The Wild Nation Kingdom
by genericnamehere
Summary: America films a nature documentary on the mating habits of nations. It goes about as well as expected.


"Good day fellow nationologists. I am your host, Alfred Jones and today we are in the wilds of the Australian capital city, Canberra observing the mating habits of nations."

The video shook as the camera turned to face America, who was wearing full safari attire. It seemed a little out of place for where he was, and in the background locals and tourists alike were gawking at him as they passed. The camera turned again and zoomed in on a man talking happily with a local.

"Look closely at the fine specimen of _homo nationalus_ that we will be following today: the Australia. Notice the way he charms even his citizens with a carefree smile, healthy tan, and allover alluring disposition. It is no wonder that he will be our subject for this documentary." America cleared his throat a bit as his voice picked up a raspy edge to it. The camera turned suddenly, zooming in again to a blond head peaking around the corner.

"What is this? It seems that a wild Canada has appeared, eyeing up its prey. This member of _homo nationalus_ is known for preferring the cooler climates of the Great White North, but has been known to cross into the warmer climates of southern neighbors, practically undetected." America moved quickly, dodging behind a trash can. The camera moved back out from behind it, refocusing on Canada, who was slowly moving out from around the corner.

"Watch as the wild Canada stalks its prey, making full use of its invisibility skills to get in close." Canada approached behind Australia, who was waving to the person he had been speaking to. "The Australia remains unaware of the onslaught of passion that is about to descend upon him…"

Canada reached out to tap Australia's shoulder, but Australia turned, walking into the shop he'd been standing outside of.

"A near miss! The Canada takes a moment to regroup and turns to follow the Australia into the shop. He will not be deterred…" New Zealand leaped out at Canada from the bushes in front of the store, tackling him to down to the side, away from the door.

"Suddenly, a feral New Zealand attacks!" The focus zoomed in on New Zealand. Screams of 'he's mine!' were muffled as the two scuffled, drawing a small crowd. "The females of the species _homo nationalus_ appear docile, but during the mating season, can become quite vicious as they stake their claim. Seriously, man. One time, Hungary thought I was hitting on Austria and laid into me with that frying pan of hers. I was just asking him directions to the bathroom! His house is a total maze." America cleared his throat again. "A-anyway…As we can see, the New Zealand has set her sights on the Australia as well."

The camera shuffled as America moved from his hiding place, moving closer to the fight. "This is truly a joyous occasion for us, viewers. It is not often that we can see such raw displays of power from typically passive nations. The mating season of _homo nationalus_ brings out a truly vicious side of the creatures."

Canada and New Zealand's fight continued down into the alleyway. America moved to the building, peering around the corner, lowering his voice to whisper. "The winner of this battle between nations will have the sole privilege of being able to pursue and woo the Australia. There is a great deal on the line here. The fact that both these nations had _years_ to stake their claim has no bearing, of course. For all they know, another, better nation could have moved in already and taken his own claim on the Australia."

There was a clinging of bells as the shop door opened behind America.

"Oh, America! What are you doing here, mate? And what is with that ridiculous get up?"

America turned, the camera refocusing on Australia, who was smiling broadly. "Oh! Well. You know…Just derping around a bit. You, uh…wanna help me out of them?"

Australia grinned, moving over and moving an arm around America's shoulder as he pulled the camera away. "You took the words right out of my mouth. I was just going to call you and see if you had a few days free. We can put that camera of yours to good use, ah?"

Behind the leaving nations, Canada and New Zealand peeked out of the alleyway, bruised and battered, watching America leave with their target.

"This is all your fault, eh?"

New Zealand glared. "Mine? You're the one that was in my way! I told you he was mine!"

Canada rolled his eyes. "Oh? Because it looks like he's America's."

New Zealand scowled, crossing her arms. "Oh, shut up."


End file.
